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Family Meals Get Easier With Practice

Much of the power of family meals comes from the simple fact that they happen more or less every day. It's the continuity, not the complexity, that counts.

But what if your family is not in the habit of eating together?

Don't stress. Think small. Asses your family's capabilities. What can you ask them to do? In the beginning, only do that, and maybe a little bit more.

Try to break down the meal into pieces. Somebody (probably you, if you are reading this) needs to plan out what you need to buy for the meal, and how much time you need to prepare it. Think about what foods can be made ahead, bought pre-cooked or semi-cooked. Develop a repertoire – a few meals that you can put together without too much thinking, and with ingredients that you typically have on hand.

Spread the work around. Do you want to take turns being responsible? Can you split up the tasks? In some families, one of the adults likes to cook the meat, while another one is responsible for the vegetables. Or someone does the shopping while someone else does the cooking. Kids are often given tasks around setting up and clearing.

However you break it down, thank everyone for being part of the effort. Ask them what changes would make things run more smoothly. Shift tasks around as necessary until things settle into a routine.

Routine is key. Just as you set aside time for your kids to practice playing piano, shooting hoops, or doing multiplication tables, set aside time for your family to develop kitchen skills. They will also be learning what we might call dining room skills – how to sit together and talk as a family – taking turns, checking in, providing a safe place to connect at the end of the day.

And the meal itself develops a rhythm. Many families enjoy an opening prayer, greeting, or action like lighting candles or lowering lights. Next comes conversation about the day, or whatever is on the mind of family members. Then comes some kind of closing, which can be formal or extremely informal (May I leave the table? is a standard.)

Once you have your routines, it is easy to fall back on what soon becomes standard practice. And if something doesn't go smoothly today, don't worry. The great thing about regular family meals is that you will have another chance tomorrow.

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