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Ritual Time

July 7, 2008

When my kids were squirming toddlers, if you had told me that our nightly episodes of food-mashing were about meaning and ritual, I would have had a hard time keeping a straight face. But a generation and a lot of research later, I'm beginning to understand how that's true.

Rituals are habits that have meaning. They intensify emotions, increase our sense of purpose, help us see the significance in our lives. Social scientists call them "time out of time."

Of all our daily activities, mealtimes most easily lend themselves to ritual. The act of feeding is laden with meaning. The meal itself gets separated from the life around it. We often start with a prayer, or some kind of thanks. We are also likely to be conscious of the meal's end, letting children know when it's all right for them to leave the table. In between, the time that we spend together solidifies the group. And, because we have to eat every day, we have a built-in time to let our own small rituals unfold, night after night.

Now, my son puts his little daughter in her high chair, pulls it up to the table so that he, his wife, and his child can all eat together. Sure, it's mashed peas. But it's mashed peas with meaning.

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